He asked to "fluff my boner.."
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
