the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
