I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
