Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
