You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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