Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
