I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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