My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
