Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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