Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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