I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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