my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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