If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
