i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
