Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
