everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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