he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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