im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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