I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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