The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
