Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
