I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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