Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
