Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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