i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
