umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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