The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
