how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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