had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
