I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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