Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
