Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
