i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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