he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
