I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
