She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
