the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
high people should be assigned attendants
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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