Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
