now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
being pregnant is like rehab
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
