the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
