a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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