Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Randomize
