My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
