is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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