Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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