Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
