I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
