dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
