Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
do herpes really smell.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
