I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
