Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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