Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
