He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
